I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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