I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
