I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
