My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
