based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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