There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize