Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
