3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
