I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
