whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
