Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize