He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
