i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Non-Jews are for practice
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
