Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
