just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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