ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
