Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
