Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
