Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
