fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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