I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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