The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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