I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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