Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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