just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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