Can Purell be used as lube?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
