I wish I could punch you in the face.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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