No more Irish car bombs ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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