1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are the jesus of drinking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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