I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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