Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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