there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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