I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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