This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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