Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
