Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My bed smells like the plague
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
