if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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