So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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