so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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