once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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