I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
