Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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