My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
there is glitter all over my balls
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
