I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
