You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
