I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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