A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
