just come out here and I will go home with you...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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