I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
