Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You've changed since you got that strap on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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