Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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