Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
