Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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