Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
