hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need to calm my uterus...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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