ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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