Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
