he was CRYING into my vagina
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
