I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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