Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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