no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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