Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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