I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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