We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
