Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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