Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
