he thought i was a dude.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
