overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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