Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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