I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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